Rainy day

These past few weeks have been a bit chaotic.
At work i can't really relax, the vacation period has begun and we have a lot more work to do. But it's not only a lot of work that doesn't let me relax, it's also the people i work with. It's hard to work with people who don't know what listening is and do whatever they feel like despite the fact that your manager tells you that you have to have priorities and we have to work together.

But today i have a day off again and i slept till 10h30 and it felt great.
I haven't been able to sleep good the last few weeks and i was beginning to feel very very tired, and agitated and i got irritated with everything and nothing.

It's been raining for the last couple of weeks and i really miss the sun. I need its energy, it's warmth. Just i miss my friends.
Sometimes it's really hard not to able to call them up and go have a drink, just talk for a couple of hours and then go home with a good feeling.
My escapes with my best friend is what i miss the most. we used to just get in the car and drive somewhere, most of the times we got lost but it was really cool. We would always talk about everything and nothing and it made me feel good.
Because of my choices i don't see my friends that mucht anymore. I knew that from the start but i always thought i could always make new friends in another place, but it turned out not to be so easy as i had thought.
At work i feel i have found 2 friends that really care about me and it feels nice. I can talk to them about almost everything and they listen. The only down side is that they're older than me and they have other interest wich makes it less easy to call them up and go have a drink like i did with the friends i kind of left behind.

I guess that's the way it goes when it comes to choices. You never know what they'll bring and you always hope for the best. Maybe this is the best but i still miss something. Which is only human. We can't be completely happy, we have to miss something otherwise we think there's something wrong. It's in our nature to doubt what seems certain and even though we all seek happiness it whatever form it may have, if it comes to us we always feel unsatisfied. It's our nature to be dramatic and never be satisfied.

I believe the rain outside knows it better than me.

My turtles

Since i have a day off today i thought i'd introduce my turtles to anyone who reads this. They're funny animals and they make me laugh. They're 2 water turtles, different species also. One is sleeping now and the other is sitting on de plateay under the lamp that is now turned off but they can sit there and get warm when it's on.

It's been a while

Time is a strange thing, you see it passing by but you just stand there letting it go because there's nothing you can do. Even if you sometimes want to do things and stretch time in a way, it always backfires.
I haven't been able to write for sometime and i kind of blame time for it. In the past it always seemed i had too much time on my hands and now it's the opposite.
I try not to lose contact with myself but sometimes i can't help but forgetting i'm still here. It seems i barely have time to stop and think about myself and what i still want to do with my life.
I still have questions and my nature is still the same, but i'm much lighter than i used to be. That has got to do with what has happened in my life the last couple of years. I try not to give so much importance to my thoughts and my worries about the world and the people who live in it. I don't really care as i used to. Maybe i'm more selfish, maybe i'm smarter, i don't really know. All i know is that i don't care about people as i used too, i'm not so "deep" in my feelings as i used to be. That allows me to live a normal life without so many days crying and trying to change people or letting them see there's another way.
But i can't forget the people who are part of my life or have been part of my life. I remember them, i still care for them even if i don't stay in touch as much as i wanted to. I guess they probably think i'm not there anymore, that i have forgotten them but that's not true, i always carry them in my heart.
I still don't have any regrets, i still don't believe in that. I make my choices and if they're not the best, they're at least my choice.
I should write more. I'll try.